Scooping Out My Insides
“Make yourself comfortable,” I was told, my lady business exposed to the cold winter air for anybody to see. As it my first time ever using a male gynecologist (my usual female OBGYN was booked up,) I was already primed to be anything but comfortable. Today’s particular appointment wasn’t the typical speculum-and-swab while making small […]
I Can’t Make You Love Me
I feel a mixture of jealousy and sadness when I think of her. She gets to be his girlfriend, while I am just the girl with a crush. I want what she has, but I know realistically that it won’t happen. I’m just an interloper in their love story. If this were a romantic comedy, […]
The Power of Red Lipstick
Red lipstick has always been a signifier of confidence to me, but I never felt sophisticated enough to wear it. Red screams confidence and boldness. My mom wore mostly pink lipstick, and she encouraged me to do the same. “Pink looks good on you,” she would say. It didn’t feel like I was allowed to wear a […]
I’ll Be There In Five Minutes
My phone rings, for the 12th time in as many minutes. “I’m almost there,” I breathe heavily into the receiver, no time even for a “hello.” My voice is unnaturally high-pitched. “So sorry I’m late, bus problems! I’ll literally be there in five minutes, okay? Order me a drink; I’ll have a gin and tonic. […]
My Subconscious Has Probably Shouted At You
If I’ve ever met you, I have probably shouted at you in a dream. Because this is my most recurring nightmare: yelling at the people I care about, lashing out at them, screaming until my throat is hoarse. The reason this dream feels like a nightmare isn’t just because the people I’m shouting at always […]
Uphill Starts
If you’ve ever tried starting a manual car on an uphill slant, you’ll know how scary it can be to dive back into things that have already come to an end. Because you’ve already done it once. You’ve already pulled that car out of the parking lot, navigated all the obstacles, pushed yourself out of […]
State Of Grac(i)e
You’ve already read about being jealous of a cat this month (and if you haven’t, read it now!). I, on the other hand, am jealous of a dog. She’s not even MY dog, technically — she lives with my parents in Indiana. Her name is Gracie, she’s a golden retriever and, like Sami’s cat Brioche, she’s […]
Hello Sunshine
Trigger warning: This post contains sensitive topics such as eating disorders. It felt shameful, but also normal. I convinced myself I was controlling my body, and I felt like I’d found the secret to instant happiness: food. Over the years, inflicting violence on my psyche and esophagus became a habit. When I ate, I binged, […]
All We’ve Got
The peak experience is a term coined by late psychologist Abraham Maslow. According to Maslow, it is an experience “characterized by intense pleasure, euphoria, interconnectedness, oneness, extreme awareness, clarity, absence of all negativity and so-called higher levels of consciousness… The experience is most often explained by a magical and philosoph
When The “Then” Gets In The Way Of The “Now”
I love my life. I do. Six months ago, I moved to a beautiful city with an active lit scene and started earning my MFA in nonfiction at a university focusing on the arts. I became part of a community that values many of same things that I do — art, intellect, good writing, great […]
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